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You are talking loco and I like it!

After months of mouth exercises and relearning how to speak, my speech therapist, Sharit is now teaching me the proper way to suck and swallow…ice. When she told me to use the technique, “like a popsicle”, I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing. I swear, it’s 10th grade all over again

With Lindsay, my physical therapist, we’ve started working outside. I love it; it’s so nice to be in the fresh air. It’s like recess! I walk on the sidewalk and the gravel is so bumpy and uneven, it’s terrifying but I like the challenge.. Jamie was home for spring break this week and since it was raining on Thursday, Lindsay had –me work on my balance and- the two of us play toss. Yes, playing ball inside the house!

That’s pretty much my Monday-Friday. On the weekends I try my best to get out of the house. I’ve been living off of NewTimes.com and going to local events like Dog Bowl, History of Barbie Exhibit, and Imagine: The Artwork of John Lennon. Nothing set for this weekend though since I have family coming over, but next week me and Aaran might hit up The Arts & Culture Center of Hollywood.

Seeing John Lennon’s drawings and doodles was nothing short of awesome. I went with my mom and after the hour-long drive to Delray, we wound up getting lost. When we finally found the place, there was no parking. The exhibit was about to close; I was so bummed and wanted to give up and go home but my mom kept on. After finding parking spot, we didn’t know where the actual gallery was. It was so stressful but we ended up making it, and I’m so glad we did. While we were looking around, a guy at the merch table approached me and gave me a free shirt, did the peace sign and walked away. I think people see me in a wheelchair and automatically feel sorry for me (sympathy on wheels), but I don’t mind, I got a new free John Lennon tee! It pays to be a cripple.

Ang recently cut her hair like Katinka’s in Zoolander and now I can’t stop calling her, “K-Mart!” The two of us did some sister bonding last week, and violently killed each other repeatedly on Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. I love my baby! We planned a weddting last month and this is how it went.Collapse )

New Talk About Pop! updates:
Inmate Lohan Returns (Pre-Producton)
Polygamy TV


A Bowl, A Medal and A Blog


Angelina, my dad, I and of course, Jake went to Dog Bowl V at TY park today. We were kinda late, and by the time we showed up all the games and contests had ended. It was still such a gorgeous day to be outside though. There were a bunch of dogs there, from a big pit bull in a studded collar to a tiny dash hound in a mini tee. It all made Jake very excited resulting in many tangled leashes and lots of butt-sniffing. We went around seeing the booths and ended up getting Jake 2 new bandanas; 1 Miami Heat one and 1 with flames because he’s a hottie, duh. It was all really nice. I hope to go and get there earlier next year.

This morning my mom ran the Miami Marathon, for herself as a runner and also to fundraise for NF. She raised a total of $1,864. She has been working so hard and training almost 5 times a week. My dad and brother tagged along to see the race. They all had to leave the house at 4am meaning Latoya needed to show up pretty early. Things get crazy when I’m asleep! But my mommy made it home before noon with a big smile, frizzy hair, and a snazzy new medal. I’m very proud. <3

Jamie has been home since Thursday since he has tickets to a Heat game down here tomorrow. Nothing comes between Jamie and the NBA. Dude is a hardcore fanatic. His girlfriend Dani, her mother and grandma came over for dinner Saturday night. Every time I see her she reminds me of Sloane from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I guess this makes Jamie Ferris, which makes me Ferris's sister. Ew! I end up making out with Charlie Sheen! Then again, who hasn't? Oh my God, I just got stabbed!

I saw Sammy and Baby Toddler Kate last week. We all had a fun time. It was nice to see how comfortable Katelynn is with all of us, even me. She always a little scared of me before and understandably so, my face ain’t exactly child-friendly. But not this time. She was playing around with Jake, twirling  to Just Dance and chowing down chicken nuggets. Sam asked her, “How do dogs kiss?” and Katelynn started licking the air. It was adorable. Later Katelynn went in Angelina’s room to play Barbies, leaving me and Sam to talk AKA sign. (She took ASL a few years ago with me and Meghan at BCC) Then when it time to leave, Katelynn didn’t want to go –because this house is filled with pure awesomeness. I love the Simpson girls.

It’s been over 2 years but I finally updated Talk About Pop! It’s great to get back into the swing of things. The article I wrote isn’t even all that long but took me an entire day to write. I can only type with 2 fingers and although I’ve gotten pretty fast, I’m nowhere near as quick as I use to be. I’m a turtle here. Still it’s great to be back. I got tired of TV years ago.

New Talk About Pop
Kim Kardashian Kares


Aaran came by this weekend. We did classy things like drink beer and play Mortal Kombat. Angelina hung out with us. Girl is a prodigy; a natural born killer of sorts. I should ask her about her head-splitting headache though. I noticed Aaran talked more to my parents between digital killings who would pass by, and barely spoke with me. It hurt because we are suppose to be friends and can't even communicate with each other. It's situations like these that remind me that I'm a deaf person living in a hearing world.

My deafness had recently slipped by mind since Meghan has been the one stopping by lately and we girl talk and gossip in sign language. We don't need a translator or to write things out. There is no barrier. It's like it's always been, an actual conversation amongst two friends Everyone in my home speaks to me in sign, even Jamie who visited on Christmas and Latoya who's with me during the day. Not a lot just basic stuff like the alphabet and the things I say everyday like "Angelina", "computer", and "giant gumball machine". I'm also speaking much more. I haven't "felt deaf" in the past few weeks.

Honestly, I'm tired of writing of everything I'm saying on that dry-erase board. I'm not a court reporter; learn sign language. It's hard for me to control the marker with my left hand when I'm right handed. Plus, the writing is sloppy. I have OCD; I need neatness. I've been deaf for 5 years now, what did you expect? (What do I expect?) Yet, Aaran's very sweet and thoughtful and the only one out of all my friends who got me a Christmas present, but my love don't cost a thing.

I hate how my hearing loss has hindred my relationships with people.

Christmas was okay. Tia and the boys came over. Kevin looked miserable the entire time, just sat in a chair on a iPod frowning and never once looked up. Certainly not the most wonderful tme of the year. But Meghan and Deedee came by with a mega-cupcake earlier and I always love seeing them.

Jamie was in town for a few days and it was great. I get so lonely here. I need my brother. I got him a box of Zebra Cakes and Angelina a box of Pop Tarts since I'm low on funds and both are crazy delicious. (Sidenote: Can you believe Angelina's never had a Twinkie?! What a disgrace to a child her age! -or to anyone, for that matter. This gives me an idea for next year.)

Eva made and mailed me a Christmas card. It was from Prince and on the front had the picture of him on the cover of LoveSexy. It was hysterical. I had no idea. When my mom said I had gotten something in the mail, I had a confused response like Chris Farley being told his coffee had Colombian decaffinated crystals, "Wha?" Truly brightened up my day.

New Year's Day was spent playing Just Dance and Password.

...and amongst that, Tobey Toshiba died. He will be missed as well as the Desktop Wallpaper I had all these years.

Baby Sneezus

I helped my mom decorate for Christmas this weekend. We ended up getting a very skinny tree this year; it's like looking at a mirror image. I'm able to do so much more than the last holidays when I was stuck in a chair while I watched everything take place around me. Now I'm hanging up ornaments and arranging the miniture nativity scene, it's great. I can actually enjoy Christmas this year.

Last month, Angelina celebrated her 10th birthday. (Double digits!) I got her a No Doubt shirt since they are her favorite band, and one of mine as well. REPRESENT! A few months ago, I gave her the shirt I got at their concert back in 2002 (Vintage), but she can only wear it to sleep, it's way too big. So I got her one for her to wear out and to school.

Angelina takes pride in having a mind of her own. She would never do anything just because others say it's cool. She is who she is. While all the girls in her class are gushing over Justin Bieber, Angelina's rocking out -I doubt her peers even know who No Doubt is. This sets her up as the social outcast at school. These times are tough, I know since I experienced them myself. She thinks Eclipse is lame and can play "Seven Nation Army" on the guitar. To me, Angelina is perfect.

She's at the age now where I decided to have "The Girl Talk" with her and she told me that the only knowledge she had of a period came from maxi-pad commercials. Ha!

My mom's birthday was the day after Angelina's and I got her a Monet's painting, "The Artist's Garden at Giverny". She was so surprised, I could feel the tears on her face when she came to hug me and I thought to myself, "Mission accomplished".

She loves art and going to art museums to admire and discuss different pieces is one of the things we love to do. Plus, I wanted to help decorate the house. The walls are so bare. Eventhough we have lived here for 7 years, it still looks like we just moved in. It's not like before when I was in my room most of the time. I loved my room; I redid and designed it. Now I have to spend most of the day out in the living room. I can't stand it.

On Thanksgiving my family decided to have a roast...on me, since I wouldn't be able to enjoy what Thanksgiving is all about: EATING!

It was just us this year; my parents, Jamie, Angelina, Grandma and Jake, which was wonderful since we all get along and there's no drama or stress.

We had the roast after (their) dinner. I asked Jamie to be the roast master since he was home from Orlando and I have always thought he is the funniest person alive -plus, we grew up together so this gives him alot of material/blackmail. Everyone said something and it was really super great. I love jokes about me. I mean, I have been gone through some shitty things; lets make fun of it!

The Roast of Chloe ColonCollapse )

That weekend Meghan came over with her new kitty, Mika. Steve-o is no longer with us. He's now partying it up and being badass with Wesley. Last I heard they started a gang.

Anyways, Mika is just darling.
The Roast of Chloe ColonCollapse )

Latoya and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary on November 5th. A lot has happened in one year. I've had many accomplishments as I regained the strength back on my right side. When Latoya first started she had to a lot for me; little things like change the channel on the remote or help me get dressed, but now I can do those things on my own. These days she only has to set-up my feeding tube and help position me to go potty.

We've had our ups and downs, one time I almost fired her while I was in the hospital and she called me, "inconsiderate". WTF? That got me super upset.

I love Latoya though. She takes very good care of me and I'm happy to have her around. A few weeks ago, we were able to figure out a way for me to take a (nice, hot) shower. Since my legs are not strong enough to support myself to stand, I have been left taking (frickin' freezing) bed baths for the last 2 years. This was truly a milestone.

Anyway, my mom got the grade back on the PowerPoint I worked on last month for her science class and I got 100% A+, bitches!


This October was super-great and event packed. I loved it! ("I love it, love it, love it!") It had me exhausted and crashing at 9:30 but it was so worth it.

Off the hinge, Angelina said something like, "Wouldn't it be cool if we had a party for Jake's birthday?" I actually thought it was a good  idea -plus I knew planning something like this would give me something to do. I asked my mom what she thought and it was all go. Yay! We celebrate Jake's birthday on October 26th. That was the day he was adopted. It's more like an anniversary. When we took him to the vet for the first time for his shots and tags, the doctor said Jake looked to be around 1. Two years later with his new happy life in our family and -Jake's 3!

I invited my friends and family members who I know love and have dogs. It was wonderful; we had about 6 dogs there, 3 of them were Labs. They were all big dogs too, instead for little CeeCee, a Yorkie, who was dressed up lookin' fly. Shana and Audrey came with dogs Gershwin and Sasha, as long as my best buds Aaran and Sam with her little one Katelynn with their dog, Maggie. Meghan couldn't make it since she was out of town but DeeDee did and brought Marley and CeeCee.

We had the party outside at the park nearby for the dogs to roam and play. That morning Angelina was upset and crying because it was stormy and raining out. My mom and I were thinking of maybe needing to postpone the party but when it had come to the time for the party to start the weather had cleared up. Florida's such a spaz.

My mom made a dog cake out of peanut butter, frosted with yogurt and topped with fancy treats. Angelina and I made the goody bags for the dogs, filled with treats and toys my mom got at the dollar store. The  party itself didn't cost that much. Anyone can do it. We had contests for the dogs and I made the certificates  for the winners: Maggie won "Most Hyper", CeeCee won "Most Spoiled", Marley won "Best Drooler", Sasha won "Fastest Eater" and Gershwin won "Most Lazy". Iris couldn't bring her dog, Peco because he was too old (he's 14) but he did win "Oldest & Wisest". Also Audrey couldn't bring her dog, Bailey but he did end up winning the photo contest everyone voted on, so as long as his winner certificate we also gave Audrey a big bone to give him at home to enjoy.

The party was a lot of fun. We took a lot of pictures. We were all so tired at home afterwards -Jake included.

The next week was Halloween which was a lot of fun. I got the idea to go as Britney Spears. It suddenly came to me two days before the holiday but it was all good. I used the blonde wig I wore for my Elle Driver costume years ago back in Halloween 2004 (Iris was Go-Go). It's super matted now which was perfect. (You would think with all that money Britney would own a brush.) Being Brit calls for a lot of props; I had one of Angelina's baby dolls, who played lil Jaden James, big sunglasses, and a Starbucks cup, y'all!

I always loved Halloween and I was excited because this was the first time in 3 years I was able to dress up.Angelina's costume was a pirate and Aaran came over as Burqa Betty dressed in a burqa with hot pink heels. Just watching him walk in those shoes was hysterical. Unfortunately our get together didn't last that long since I wasn't feeling well and he had schoolwork.

But there are pictures!Collapse )

It doesn't stop here either, I'm going to Katelynn's 2nd birthday this Saturday. Sam was pressuring me to go and I thought, "Why not?" Sam is one of my best and oldest friends. I love that girl, as well as her. little girl. I want to be there and I will.

During the week I have been working on my mom's PowerPoint presentation for her environmental science class on...Recycling! BORING! I never have used PowerPoint before so it's keeping me busy and stressing. Anything's better than watching TV though; I seriously want to do it.

My dad turned 50! in September. Some of the family came over and my mom was worried that I'd be overwhelmed but I wasn't. I liked seeing everyone. Meghan was there and it was great (like always) because we can just talk in sign language. It's fun, fast and effortless. Jamie couldn't make it  -because he's a loser- but sent my dad a video with his birthday greetings. It was sweet although I had no idea what was being said. I know my dad misses his son.We got him a custom cake for his 50th that had a cigar and weights. Looked tasty.

While watching the video for Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" my sister and I questioned if Dave Grohl used his hair to bang on the drums rather than drumsticks. That's a thinker.


My cousin Shana did a Power Point presentation on loss for her sociology class and decided to interview her father, who lost both his parents and brother (my grandfather) all in 7 months time and also interviewed me(!!!) on my hearing loss. Here's what went down via e-mail:

Her questions:
1.What was loss ?
2.What is the source of the pain of loss?
3.How did you feel at the time (of loss)
4. Since the loss, how have your feelings about the loss changed?
5. What are your current reflections on past feelings?

1. Loss of hearing/Deafness

2. I never felt I lost my hearing as much I lost my form of communication. A lot of the time I'm left keeping things to myself because there isn't anyone around who understands me or people don't say anything to me because I can't understand them.

Only my mom, little sister Angelina (who's 9) and my best friend, Meghan, know sign language. When I'm with any of them we have long and regular conversations. It's fun and effortless, but when talking with anyone else we are left with a dry-erase board to write out what we are saying. It's time consuming and tiring.

I know my deafness has hindered the relationship between me and my father.Although my father and I love each other so-so much, we are often left angry and frustrated because we can't communicate thoroughly. He knows some signs but not enough to hold a conversation with me.
My brother and I have always been very close, we use to just hang out and talk all the time, but we don't have the same retlationship anymore. He tries and I try, but it's not the same.

Whenever there is a big group discussion, I'm often put out and left feeling small.My mother tries her best to translate for me but's sometimes hard for her when she's in the discussion herself. Before I was always in on conversation and would put in my opinon but now it feels like I lost my voice. I'm often left thinking, "What the hell is going on?"

With my illness I often see different doctors, and since going deaf the doctors don't even speak to me or ask me questions although I'm the patient. It's just easier for them to talk and ask questions to my father who brought me then to write everything out for me to read. I'm left sitting there without a clue to what's going on. It gets me so frustrated -ask me. Who knows more about me than me? This certainly wasn't a problem when I was hearing.

I always used school and work as a form of socialization; a place to meet new friends but after going deaf that wasn't the case. Once I started college I needed the school's deaf services to help me during classes with included CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation). I had a older woman sitting next to me behind a court reporting machine taking notes on everything that was said. As I sat behind a lap-top reading everything she would type. We had to sit up front for her to hear clearly, so everyone could see. It automatically created a barrier between me and my classmates. No one talked to me; I was stamped as "The Deaf Girl" I don't have any deaf friends, it's very lonely.

It's communication.

But it's great that we now live in a digital age. I text on my phone and use AIM: Instant Messenger everytime I'm oniine to chat with friends. Yet YouTube is a very popular site on the internet, but most of the videos on there aren't captioned therefore I can't understand them. It's a bother.

3. I was 14 when I was told I was most likely going to lose my hearing (due to NF) from my neurologist at the time, Dr Aizik Wolf around September of 2000. I was in complete shock and disbelief but didn't show any emotion till I got home and was alone in my room. That's when/where I began sobbing and began asking myself, "What am I going to do? I'm never even going to hear my mother's voice again." I have always been into music and I remember putting on U2's "One" on my stereo and crying my eyes out -not because the song makes me sad but because I loved it and was going to miss it. I became completely Deaf in 2007. I was 21, and by then I already knew what was happening.

When I was first told I was going deaf, I never shared iwith my friends what was going on. I wanted to act and be like a normal teenage girl; wrapped up in school and boys. Middle school and high school is all about cliques and labels. I didn't want to be seen as my illness or my potential hearing loss. So for a long time, I'd say till 2005 when I was 19, I kept it to myself.

4. My hearing loss was gradual for me so I had a few years to accept it, and by the time it did I was pretty much okay with it. I always loved music so I made it a personal goal of mine to go see/hear every band that played my area. And by the time I became Deaf I had already went to every concert I wanted (even if that calls for driving all the way to Tampa to see Coldplay and Fiona Apple) My mother and I, along with my best friend, went to a few sign language courses around 2005 to learn sign. So when I did go Deaf we could still communicate. Plus my memory is top-notch, so when my mother "speaks" to be in sign language, I read it in her voice. That also calls for when I see music videos or concerts on TV. If the captions on the television tell me the lyrics and I know the song then I can sing along -and will.

5. I began seeing a therapist Dr. Shana Williams, who specializes in deafness around 2005-2006. Although she was hearing, she ued sign language or would type on the computer for me to read what she was saying.

She told me that I needed to treat my hearing loss as a death, and I did. I mourned. It was sad, but after, about 2 years later when everything went completely silent, I was okay with it. I was okay with my deafness.

-She sent me the finished product of her ppt and I wanted to post it on here but can't figure it out. What's with you, LJ?

An actual update maybe sometime soon. A lot of crap has happened therefore I have A LOT to say.


Alright Meow


A slight change of plans. Although my operation has indeed been confirmed for this Thursday, I will be admitted into the hospital beforehand tomorrow afternoon -because an extra unnecessary night spent getting interupted sleep with bi-hourly nurse checks is exactly what I was wishing for. (I'm not big on pre-quels, okay?, unless it's the background story to Oscar-snubbed flick, I Know Who Killed Me.) Who is the April fool, now?

Heros wants a special MRI performed at Jackson a day prior, which is fine but being hooked up to an IV, dressed in a hospital gown and having dinner served on a cafeteria tray a day prior I consider not to be so fine.

I much rather be home. I want to be home. I always try my best to relax the night before going under. The last thing I need is to be stuck in the environment that already puts my nerves on end 24-hours before heading into the OR.

I need to pack for this sleepover. Along with Maddy, my toothbrush, and a fresh pair of underwear, I'm bringing Tobey Toshiba but the probability of the hosputal having internet is slim. A missed out night at home also means a missed out night of the important things in life like Real World and Make Me A Supermodel. No AIM and no TV make Chloe go something-something... (Crazy?) Don't mind if I do!

So what happens next? I really don't know when I'll be back; literally and metaphorically -but God owes me, big time. Here's for the best. I love you all.

Irrelevant but I'm lucky that my tia somewhat knows how to cut hair. With my current monster looks I would never step foot inside a salon- especially with this expander dangling from my head. (A tentacle, perhaps?) In February my surgeons shaved patches off my head leaving me with a punk rock hairdo but after 20 minutes with my scissor-armed aunt I nowI have the coat of a short-haired dog. I look like a chocolate lab, a dashound or that beagle that played Wishbone. Woof.

I'm out.


The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

Things are a bit up in the air.

Dr. Marcos, my newest neurosurgeon who I just met last month, was sent to Mayo Clinic in NY due to some secret severe illness (Mad Cow disease, perhaps?) he has and ordered to cancel all of his upcoming operations -including mine on the 31st.

His office didn't notify us of the emergency until late Friday afternoon- just 4 days before I was scheduled to go in. After receiving the news, for a good 15 minutes everything was at a standstill. Like Tyra Banks running out of Twinkies, I was freaking out a bit. As much I seriously DO NOT WANT to undergo this surgery, Telischi couldnt emphasize enough how much I needed it done as soon as possible. Things are already very bad: drooling worse than a dehydrated bloodhound, stumbling like an drunk old man exiting a bar, and choking on my favorite Easter season candy, jellybeans. The longer I wait the greater my chances are of quickly becoming worse. This is super-duper important. This is Angeling Jolie/Marlon Wayans box office opening weekend big.

After a while things were eventually sorted out, kind of. Since Marcos will be tied up with his own medical predicament, I will have his partner, who is ironically and encouragingly named Heros, doing his dirty work on me hopefully this Thursday, April 2nd. Nothing has been confirmed though but nothing has been cancelled: just postponed. A big bittersweet sigh of relief. Having the extra 2 days is actually a bit of a good thing, now I'll be able to catch Real World finale Wednesday night. That Ryan is adorable -a little too pretty but adorable nonetheless. He can fight the war in the cave of my dangerous desert anyday.I need a soldier.

As you couldn't have guessed I'm a bit of a hospital whore. I've been around the block more than a few times. Through the years, I've slept around at plenty of different places. But this will be my first time as a Jackson Memorial patient and I don't know what to expect: Kool Aid IVs, Rainbow Brite bedsheets, a Salvador Dali themed recovery room? No se and that leaves me a little uneasy. I actually went in for my pre-op last week and the place was dirty, unwelcoming and practically dilapidated. It was a major turnoff. It might as well be dressed in jorts, masturbating to anime cartoons and aspiring to be the next American Idol.

This will also be my first operation with Telishci and Heros. First impressions are lasting impressions and god dammit I need to shave. I haven't done so since Feb 12 and because of low-energy levels, laziness and not wanting to miss Wife Swap on TV, even then I didn't do that good of a job. My legs are growing vines and my cooch is completely out of control. Chi-chi-Chia. I always want to look my best while I'm unconscious, but there's a lot of danger involved performing such an act as shaving. Armed with a razor in an already slippery environment; with my extreme imbalance there's a good chance of sliding and accidentally slitting my wrists.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Time is ticking. I might just leave a Post-It inches below my navel that will read: You know where you are? You're in the JUNGLE, baby. You're gonna die!

As I've mentioned before, my fear with this operation isn't in the operation itself, but the outcome of it all. I'm going to wake up in complete silence and that terrifies me. I'm afraid it will have such a negative impact on my life that it will change me completely: my sense of humor, my dwindling light.

I don't know how I will react from it all. I may live in a rut, shun myself from society and stop talking all together. Who knows? But I do know the future is grim and uncertain.

I have my anxieties and the other week I was so hopeful after seeking counseling from Dr. V, so when I returned to therapy last Monday I was completely letdown after 30 minutes of nothing. Last time I was there I poured my heart out and said everything that needed to be said, so at this appointment I was expecting to get to work. These are my problems, how do I get better? Give me some feedback, an exercise, anything. Nothing. So stupid and pointless. The owls dont do it for me anymore.

I descided to give Ricardo a second chance and that proved to be a very good idea. I'm just bouncing back and forth off these dudes. At this meeting I came prepared with my list of worries and what I needed help with, in order not to be overcome with my emotions. He was probably scratching his head thinking, "Who is this girl?" because I was totally a different person from the last time I saw him. Yeah, I'm a schizo.

I love it when I let my guard down and can be myself around people. Never shy or stubbornly silent, but silly witty me. I'm so glad I let him in because he provided exactly what I asked for. I needed some tips to best prepare for D-day since I'm such a loose cannon of anxiety and he gave me wonderful exercises to help me, like stimulating other senses, practing and preparing waking up at recovery and better breathing techniques to calm my panic attacks. He understood the shock I'll soon be facing and was so helpful. I wasvso relieved that I got the help at the nick of time. I left with a happy heart but I'm still terrified.

I just saw this commercial. Someone's been reading my diary. I can take a hint :

March Madness

This week I was  booked. I felt as busy as Rachel Zoe, but without the faux fashion line, loveless marriage, and rausin face, chest and feet

Monday 3/16 - Whether you're 4 or 64, if I catch you with a staring problem, I will not hesitate to growl at you. Look at me as if I'm a monster and I will treat you as one. Unfortunately, I lack the 10-eyes- 4-hairy-arm anatomy and the large set of chompers to bite off and chew your head -- this time. Rawr.

Telischi ordered that I have two balance test performed for whatever reasons. I had a posturography test and a electronsystagmography test and both procedures had to be the two weirdest experiences in my life. One had me in a harness standing on moving ground and the other had me getting hot and cold water injected into my ears, keeping my eyes open while wearing blackening goggles then having to count by 2's outloud in the dark after the water had been released.

I have to admit, it was a bit scary at times, especially the posturography where it felt I was going to fall to my death on multiple occasions. But I had the most prettiest and nicest doctor with the biggest smile to help put me at ease. Dr. Snapp was young and since her job requires her to work with people who have inner ear problems she signed, wrote things down and talked with emphasis- everything to make sure I understood what was going on. She never once looked at me with a drop of pity in her eyes and I appreciated that most of all. Obviously she made a lasting impression on me and it makes me a little sad to know I would only be seeing her this once and not a frequent visitation. I just wish I had someone like her always in my life.

The night before I had a dream that Jamie had come home to surprise me before I headed off to surgery. I was SO HAPPY to see him. Then I woke up.

Tuesday 3/17
- This St. Patrick's Day I unintentionally wore green -and subconsciously saved myself from countless pinches, disses and a punch in the face.

Ready for my lab work, I woke up early in the morning and headed off to QuestDiagnostics on an empty stomach and full bladder. The nurse who drew blood seemed to have no problem finding a vein but as always trouble arose when I was handed over a plastic cup for a urine sample. My chronic pee shyness, severe imbalance and the extreme unsanitary conditions were all active variables in an ultimate FAIL.

With a 99% chance of slipping and falling,there was no way that dirty bar attached to the bathroom wall was going to help keep me stable. Plus the prepping the seat with toilet paper and the squatting; whew, I dont have the energy or the strength. But there's no way my ass cheeks are getting anywhere near that hepatitis A,B and C infected seat. After approaching the toilet for a better look to try and contemplate a game plan, I noticed it was clogged with paper and God knows what else. Thats when I told the nurse, "Sorry, no can do"

Uncaringly, she let me take the cup home for a DIY and my dad agreed to return the sample to the offices later that day. Of course at home the pipes went off without a hitch and I was able to get the job done as soon as I had walked into the house. Afterwards I placed my Cup O'Pee on the hallway table. And there it stayed on display for hours next to a framed picture of my beloved Nanny. I chuckled everytime I walked passed it. It looked lonely. Naturally, I found this to be a great photo opprotunity (because I have a real sick and twisted sense of humor)

My St. Patrick's Day Gold

That afternoon I had a chest X-ray and the wait was short but still unbearable. Yet X-rays are very easy and the technicians were very nice, more than happy to help communicate by writing things down for me. As I was leaving I was surprised when one of the techs handed me 3 lollipops with a big smile. To what do I owe these tasty treats? Score.

While watching The Biggest Loser I discovered I can't cross my fingers on my right hand. The entire hand has become pretty weak and its impossible to sign and difficult to write. (I use to love my handwriting, now it looks like Kindergarden chicken scratch) Fingers on both hands become stiff and cramp up, so lets add that onto the list. Through ASL and typing on the computer, I use these babies as my source of communication. My lips are numb which makes speaking physically hard for me; they are the substitute for my voice. If my hands are taken away and paralysis occurs, I'm going to need someone to play Dr, Kevorkian. Are YOU a true friend?

Wednesday - SaturdayCollapse )

Frail and Bedazzled

Just as I had predicted, I did indeed collapse Monday morning -but have nowhere neared croaked. Luckily my dad was home to pick me up off the floor, otherwise I would've been stuck there gathering dust for who knows how long. My knees are pretty banged up. I've become a BBW: not so much a big and beautiful woman as I am (badly) bruised and bony one.

Last week I felt like utter death; channeling in my own inner Circe Nightshade. Since my previous surgery on Feb 13 I was continuing to lose a lot of blood and every morning I would wake up to big red stains on my pillowcases because of the open and bleeding stitches on the back of my head. Not only was it a health concern, but a hygenic ultra-clean freak one. Yuck! On a scale of 1-10, my energy level was at a 2 and just standing on my own for five seconds had me on the verge of blacking out. It sucked the life out of me just to speak, eat or move, so I didnt. I physically felt -and believed- I was going to die.

I started taking B12 and Iron supplements a couple of days ago and I'm glad to say that I'm feeling better and a little stronger. Also the blood has finally stopped. I'm still super frail and get dizzy and stumble on the mini journey I take from the living room couch to my bedroom. And dont me started on the grueling obstacle course that is zipping and sitting down and zipping and getting up from the toilet. Exhausting! And the buttoning, my god, the buttoning!

My balance and dizziness are due to many factors, but is manily a neurological/inner ear effect that is getting worse and worse. I can barely walk. I need a WALKER but am too proud to ask for help and continue to cling on to walls and furniture for stability only to ultimately fall and collect black and blues. Wearing a helmet along with elbow and knee pads around the house wouldnt be such a bad idea

What really bothers me is how my new found immobilioty and weakness keeps me from doing the things I want to do. I'm incapable of performing the simplest tasks -including changing my clothes, making my bed, and eating a Snickers. I hate being chained to the sofa watching dirty dishes pile up in the sink and clutter surround me, unable to do my daily (boredom) domestic duties. My fears have become reality; I've unwillingly become...messy.

Wow, this is a long one. Beware the 31st of March! Collapse )

Anyway- almost every morning after getting out of bed to have breakfast and such, I return to my room to find this:

The little exhabitionist.


d0nch0rle0ne (7:49:06 PM): "hey, mr. science guy.... don't spray that arosol in my eyes...."
d0nch0rle0ne (7:49:26 PM): "cause I--I don't really wanna die... I'm a noble rabbit...."